I don't know what's been happening to me lately, but I definitely feel a wave of change coming.  It's like a light just clicked on and now I can see the path in front of me.

For years, I've been ignoring the beckoning calls of suitors, practically (and even literally!) waiting at my doorstep (dropping by unannounced and leaving gifts!); yet, before they could even be written to my list of potential soul-mates, their names were already crossed out.  Well, many have long since moved on; however, a patient few have stuck around, waiting for their name to be called.  Then, one-by-one, the list grew shorter and shorter.

A tribute to a few of my "could've beens":

The guy with the rock-star hair.  If only running my fingers through your silky locks could've been enough.
The guy who polled women.  Go ahead, ask me your question.  But I already know my answer.
The quiet guy of few words.  When I asked you to have "a talk", the silence spoke more than enough.
The persistent guy.  Maybe you should've held on just a little longer, instead of sacking up with the "easy" ones; you may get more than you ask for.
The "yes" guy.  I don't want a guy who can't make his own decisions or can't be his own person.
The ambitious guy.  Goals are great, but there's no need to try and achieve them all at once.
The guy with the accent.  We may not speak words the same, but some things are International.

And with every crossed out name, my "must haves/can't haves" list grew longer as well.

Earlier this year, I threw a Super Bowl party, where females were not surprisingly significantly outnumbered by males.  Yet, I still failed to make the connection.  How many testosterone-filled guys would voluntarily go over to a girl's house to eat chip/dip, cake and chocolate-covered strawberies on Super Bowl Sunday? (ok, I had the requisite beer and buffalo wings, too!) 

Throughout the game, I wasn't really paying attention to the "Sherry tug-of-war" that was playing out in front of me.  It wasn't until halftime, when one of the guys got up and walked into my kitchen and stood there by himself blankly staring at the other TV past the food table that I realized what was happening.  I left the gaggle of guys all swooning for my attention and followed him.  Strangely, for the first time I sensed a quiet defeat from him as he coyly bade me farewell.  I haven't seen him since.  But even if I had I known this, I can't say that anything would have changed.  The reality is that while he seemed like a great "potential" and although he made the requisite appearance, he didn't put forth the effort that the other guys did in wooing me.  And frankly, I need someone who isn't afraid to go after what he wants.

In that moment, I felt both despondent and confident, finally knowing exactly what I'm looking for.  If I could build my "perfect man", I would take something from every guy that could've been.

But can this person really exist?

After the physical, mental and emotional trauma that I went through last year, I made a resolution to choose happiness this year and change my perspective in life.  Ironically, who knew that someone I met on New Year's Eve would later help me with this goal.

I spent New Year's Eve with a group of girl friends, who all had their own reasons to celebrate.  We enjoyed each other's company and were completely oblivious to the 300 other party-goers who we joined in the countdown.  When a couple of my friends had trouble getting one of the bartender's attention to order drinks, I stepped up to the bar and was immediately served.  I later learned that this was no coincidence.

For years, I frequented that bar and hardly paid him any notice.  Yet, of the throngs of people that came in and out of those doors, he singled ME out.  A couple months later, as I sat at the bar, waiting for a friend, he finally mustered up the courage to talk to me.  "Excuse me, can I ask you a question?  Are you filipina?" he shyly asked.  "Yes I am," I replied. "Ah, that's what I thought.  You know, I think that filipinas are the most beautiful women in the world,"  he said as he continued to compliment me in the Philippine language, Tagalog.  He mentioned that he remembered me from the New Year's party and I instantly recalled our brief meeting that night.

And just like that, my perspective changed.

It wasn't the cheesy one-liner or that he knew how to say "you're pretty" in my native tongue.  He made me realize that it isn't about FINDING "the one", it's about BEING the one.  The one that gets noticed in the entire bar.  The one that he can't stop looking at.  The one that he wants to talk to.  The one that he thinks about every day, ever since our chance encounter.  The one that he wants to be with.

I don't know if I've found the secret formula; it almost seems too simple.  However, even the most complex chemistry starts with the most basic elements.

Now, I don't see each crossed out name as another failure, but one step closer to finding my one.

Before getting ready to go on a bike ride this morning, for some reason, I decided to check my home voice mail messages.  You have 21 unplayed messages.  Oh boy.  And there it was again, amidst all the "urgent" collection calls for a former roommate and invitations to play at Dover Downs for my parents, was another song message.  This time, it wasn't a coy "Sherry" song, but its message was quite deliberate.  Last time, I asked around, trying to narrow down my suspicions and was able to eliminate one of my primary suspects, who denied ever sending me any voice mails.  That left me with only one likely person; however, I'm still not positive.

To the "mystery" caller:
If it's who I think it is, I deleted your phone number and my computer crashed (yes, it happens even to the best of us!), so I even lost my backup "just in case" of your number.  I'm not sure what to make of your very direct "message".  Part of me wants to honor your request, but part of me wishes I didn't have to play these games anymore.  The first time, it was cute.  The second time, it was obviously not accidental.  The third time was clearly not coincidence anymore.  You obviously know how to reach me.  I would like to talk to you and see you again.  Beyond that, well, it depends on one thing.  Ok, maybe two.  For starters.

I don't believe in politics, but I believe in choice.
I don't believe in religion, but I believe in faith.
I don't believe in marriage, but I believe in love.

This doesn't mean that I don't have a political stance, religious following or that I'll never get married; however, these institutions sometimes get too caught up in the institution themselves that they fail to focus on the foundation on which they were built and that's when I stop believing in them.

Recently, I've been a hormonal mess.  As waves of memories crash into me, I find myself sinking into the lows of love lost and riding the highs of love's eternal bliss.  And even though my past relationships did not last forever, I know that the memories and the feelings always will.  As painful as being hurt by love can be, I would not trade anything in the world for being fully enraptured with someone you love, no matter how fleeting.

To close the last chapter of my previous relationship, inspired by the book, "Other People's Love Letters", I will write my own love letter that I never got to send to him.  Here goes...

my everdearest love,

For 10 years, the license plate on my car read "Let's Dance", which I have even longer lived by as my mantra in life - long before Lee Ann Womack said, "when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance."  It's a simple statement of how I choose to take on life's challenges.  I can sit around, mope and let life bring me down or I can pick myself up and dance the night away.  Although I recently changed my plate to read "Love Always", this outlook hasn't changed; rather in addition, I believe that above all things, the most important is love.  Throughout our lives, we will experience all kinds of love.  But the kind that I believe most of us are waiting for is true love, where two people love each other deeply, unconditionally, faithfully, undeniably and passionately. Always.

I never would have guessed that one day I would meet my co-worker's, roommate's, girlfriend's high school classmate and fall in love.  Yes, I was undeniably, deeply and passionately in love. With you.

It started as an admiration from afar, while we exchanged e-mails and flirted over MySpace.  Every time I received a message or comment from you, I felt like a giddy high-school girl with a crush.  I checked your page almost every day, sometimes more than once, looking to see if you added new pictures, reading other people's comments or listening to your profile song, which I led myself to believe was somehow dedicated to me.  But then you wanted to meet up with me in person for lunch.  Again, like a childish girl, I invited my co-workers along, since you had met one of them already - afraid to be alone with you; afraid I would not know what to say; afraid of awkward silences.

When you visited my house for the first time, I knew that you were interested in learning more about and getting to know me.  I noticed that you were intently taking in and evaluating everything - from the pictures on my walls to the collectibles on display.  The more we talked and wrote to each other, the more I became fascinated by who you are.  From the moment I knew that I was falling in love with the hug outside your house until the last kiss we shared on my doorstep, I grew deeper in love.

I loved the way you looked at me whenever we were together, how your eyes captivated me.  I loved the cute voice mails you left, how I could "hear" in your voice that you were smiling on the other end.  I loved the text messages that told me you were thinking of me at that very moment.  I loved the way our fingers naturally entwined, how we instinctively reached for each other and did not let go.  I loved how you walked at my pace, side-by-side, always holding hands. 

I loved being able to sit with you on the couch, not saying a word yet being completely comfortable.  I loved that you wanted to hear me sing karaoke, even after I told you I couldn't sing.  I loved the stories you told, how excited you were to share tales about your childhood and your grandfather.  I loved how you seemed to hang on every word I said, how you paid attention to details.  I loved how you were willing to try and do new things with me, like riding roller coasters or biking 20 miles into the city.  I loved that even though you told me you hated talking on the phone or dancing that we could talk for hours and you asked me to dance.  I loved that you called me and asked for my opinion on what to wear to my party. 

I loved that you snuck into my room for several hours after you thought everyone else was asleep, how you left afterward to pretend like we didn't sleep together, but how you returned shortly thereafter.  I loved that I woke up and saw you kneeling beside my bed looking at me, not knowing how long you had been there, watching me sleep.  I loved your smell and the way it lingered on the sheets.  I loved your soft, gentle kisses.  I loved when we made love, how you caressed me, like you were memorizing every inch of my body.  I loved how you said I looked "better than you imagined."

I loved how you listed options, making the one that you really wanted most seem more appealing.  I loved how you firmly made decisions, although your friends said you were indecisive.  I loved that you took a chance.  I loved that you opened up and let me in, albeit for a brief moment.  I loved how you thought about the possibility of a future with me, how "we" would handle life-altering events. I loved that in our world, nothing else mattered; just us.

But, I never told you how much I loved you.  Yes, it was deep, undeniable and passionate.  I couldn't stop thinking about you and the more I wanted to be with you.  But this love was conditional and without faith.  You were also in love... with someone else. 

True love is deep - beyond the surface into the inner beauty of a person.
True love is undeniable - without a shadow of a doubt.
True love is passionate - the fuel that can always spark the everlasting flame of attraction through the darkest and coldest of nights.
True love is unconditional - by no obligation or sense of duty.
True love is faithful - trustworthy, devoted and truthful.

I was in love with you, but it was not true love.

The promise you made to her could have only been broken by one condition, which by definition itself would defy the meaning of unconditional love.  Without devotion, trust and honesty, this love could not be true.

But it could have been true.  I wanted it to be.  Just not like that.

Yet I still love you.

Love Always,
me

Whenever someone talks about compatibility and chemistry, it is usually to determine which is more important, assuming that these two qualities can be mutually exclusive; however, in reality, both are required to maintain a successful relationship. Although debatable, relationships based purely on compatibility or chemistry are more likely to fail when one or both eventually recognize the desire or need for the other lacking condition. Therefore, it only logically follows that the deciding factor becomes the degrees of compatibility and chemistry that exist between two people and it is equally important that both MUST exist.

Ever since high school, I've been roommates with over two dozen people, so I've certainly seen almost every kind of personality and have learned how to deal with them. I've lived with people who were messy or even super organized borderline OCD, had poor personal habits or was a germ-a-phobe, could not resolve conflict well, instigated problems or was a peacemaker, had ambition or was lazy, was emotionally unhealthy or self-confident, was industrious or a workaholic, was petty, held grudges, even rude or over-considerate; was reliable or undependable. Engaged, divorced, homosexual, adopted. An officer in the Marines, an Army Reservist, a brain surgeon, a construction worker, a Girl Scout leader, a student, a real estate agent, a dental hygienist, a professional gambler. I watched roommates go through happy and troubled times, including lay-offs/promotions, loss/purchase of a home, break-ups/engagements, even mourning of death.  I also had a roommate who used MY computer to look at pornography! Hey, I could have my own reality TV show!

The good thing about living with so many people is that I have learned which traits and values are important to me in a relationship. While I did not have a romantic relationship with any of my roommates, the same qualities that determine whether or not I will get along with them also form a basis for interpersonal relationships. I was also able to witness many relationships that did and did not work. I should've been taking notes, I could have written several books by now!

Since I have had the opportunity to experience first-hand living with a multitude of personalities (not to be confused with multiple-personality disorder!), I have been forced to learn how to be accommodating; to compromise; to resolve conflict; to communicate; to listen; to be patient, loyal, understanding; to be dependable, sociable and responsible; to know when to be emotionally generous or when to give someone their space; to clean up after someone else or enforce discipline. As a result, of the 28 or so roommates, there were only a few that I absolutely could not get along with; in fact, I still keep in touch with a large majority of the rest!

To me, compatibility in a relationship is rarely an issue since I tend to get along with just about anyone! :) Barring a few absolute "Can't Stands", e.g. smoking, lying, undependable and dependence, I am pretty amiable with anybody. Therefore, I rely on chemistry more often to decide which relationships I pursue or maintain. The pastor at my friend's non-denominational church even frequently preaches how - no matter what - you MUST be attracted to your partner. Sure, I have a "magic checklist" (doesn't everyone?!), but even if I meet someone who possesses all or almost all of those qualities (and I have!), if I cannot not look deeply into his eyes and feel that magic, then the list doesn't even matter. At the end of the day, a list will not keep you warm or help you sleep through the night. This is also not to say that I can maintain a serious long-term relationship with just anybody. Even though I could find ways to "learn to love" someone, it will be easier on the both of us if there are less things that we constantly have to compromise on. The key to success is that BOTH partners must hold the same view about compatibility and chemistry. The difficulty may arise if both people are not at the same stage in the relationship, are progressing at different paces or have wildly opposite expectations of important topics (family, career, finances, etc). If the couple does not have a solid foundation within their relationship, it will be next-to-impossible to build anything on top of it.

Recently, a couple close friends went through a break-up and I also heard that my cousin's fiancee moved out of the house several months ago and they are no longer engaged. Why can't couples who have dated for several years or have even started to make a commitment stay together? Perhaps they do not communicate, don't resolve conflict the same way or have different goals in life. Maybe one of them is no longer attracted to the other or they just don't feel that "passion" anymore.

Whatever the "reason", the common theme seems to be an imbalance of compatibility and chemistry. Both are required to move through the common stages of relationships: Attachment/Courting (initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, bonding), Dealing with Differences (differentiating), Identify Formation (circumscribing) and Balance (stagnating). Some couples never leave the first stage, which leads to other issues that likely will continue to trouble the relationship.

So, assuming that compatibility and chemistry both exist to the same degrees that are satisfactory to both partners, then the rest is easy, right? Ah, if only it were this simple :)

This entry was inspired by the today's "featured blog" on Xanga, thanks Brenda!

I was always in front, whenever we had to line up for school pictures in elementary school.  Without hesitation, I would immediately just take the first position and let everyone form a line behind me.  And that was just the beginning of having to deal with being short. 

Here are 10 Things I Hate/Love About Being Short:

10.  Things that are always out of reach

9.  Sitting in the "hump" seat
8.  Shopping for clothing and shoes
7.  Being "just the right" height

6.  Crowds
5.  Nicknames
4.  "Come Pick Me Up"

3.  Low hanging branches
2.  "Sherry-sized"

1.  Tall Guys