I don't know what's been happening to me lately, but I definitely feel a wave of change coming.  It's like a light just clicked on and now I can see the path in front of me.

For years, I've been ignoring the beckoning calls of suitors, practically (and even literally!) waiting at my doorstep (dropping by unannounced and leaving gifts!); yet, before they could even be written to my list of potential soul-mates, their names were already crossed out.  Well, many have long since moved on; however, a patient few have stuck around, waiting for their name to be called.  Then, one-by-one, the list grew shorter and shorter.

A tribute to a few of my "could've beens":

The guy with the rock-star hair.  If only running my fingers through your silky locks could've been enough.
The guy who polled women.  Go ahead, ask me your question.  But I already know my answer.
The quiet guy of few words.  When I asked you to have "a talk", the silence spoke more than enough.
The persistent guy.  Maybe you should've held on just a little longer, instead of sacking up with the "easy" ones; you may get more than you ask for.
The "yes" guy.  I don't want a guy who can't make his own decisions or can't be his own person.
The ambitious guy.  Goals are great, but there's no need to try and achieve them all at once.
The guy with the accent.  We may not speak words the same, but some things are International.

And with every crossed out name, my "must haves/can't haves" list grew longer as well.

Earlier this year, I threw a Super Bowl party, where females were not surprisingly significantly outnumbered by males.  Yet, I still failed to make the connection.  How many testosterone-filled guys would voluntarily go over to a girl's house to eat chip/dip, cake and chocolate-covered strawberies on Super Bowl Sunday? (ok, I had the requisite beer and buffalo wings, too!) 

Throughout the game, I wasn't really paying attention to the "Sherry tug-of-war" that was playing out in front of me.  It wasn't until halftime, when one of the guys got up and walked into my kitchen and stood there by himself blankly staring at the other TV past the food table that I realized what was happening.  I left the gaggle of guys all swooning for my attention and followed him.  Strangely, for the first time I sensed a quiet defeat from him as he coyly bade me farewell.  I haven't seen him since.  But even if I had I known this, I can't say that anything would have changed.  The reality is that while he seemed like a great "potential" and although he made the requisite appearance, he didn't put forth the effort that the other guys did in wooing me.  And frankly, I need someone who isn't afraid to go after what he wants.

In that moment, I felt both despondent and confident, finally knowing exactly what I'm looking for.  If I could build my "perfect man", I would take something from every guy that could've been.

But can this person really exist?

After the physical, mental and emotional trauma that I went through last year, I made a resolution to choose happiness this year and change my perspective in life.  Ironically, who knew that someone I met on New Year's Eve would later help me with this goal.

I spent New Year's Eve with a group of girl friends, who all had their own reasons to celebrate.  We enjoyed each other's company and were completely oblivious to the 300 other party-goers who we joined in the countdown.  When a couple of my friends had trouble getting one of the bartender's attention to order drinks, I stepped up to the bar and was immediately served.  I later learned that this was no coincidence.

For years, I frequented that bar and hardly paid him any notice.  Yet, of the throngs of people that came in and out of those doors, he singled ME out.  A couple months later, as I sat at the bar, waiting for a friend, he finally mustered up the courage to talk to me.  "Excuse me, can I ask you a question?  Are you filipina?" he shyly asked.  "Yes I am," I replied. "Ah, that's what I thought.  You know, I think that filipinas are the most beautiful women in the world,"  he said as he continued to compliment me in the Philippine language, Tagalog.  He mentioned that he remembered me from the New Year's party and I instantly recalled our brief meeting that night.

And just like that, my perspective changed.

It wasn't the cheesy one-liner or that he knew how to say "you're pretty" in my native tongue.  He made me realize that it isn't about FINDING "the one", it's about BEING the one.  The one that gets noticed in the entire bar.  The one that he can't stop looking at.  The one that he wants to talk to.  The one that he thinks about every day, ever since our chance encounter.  The one that he wants to be with.

I don't know if I've found the secret formula; it almost seems too simple.  However, even the most complex chemistry starts with the most basic elements.

Now, I don't see each crossed out name as another failure, but one step closer to finding my one.

Before getting ready to go on a bike ride this morning, for some reason, I decided to check my home voice mail messages.  You have 21 unplayed messages.  Oh boy.  And there it was again, amidst all the "urgent" collection calls for a former roommate and invitations to play at Dover Downs for my parents, was another song message.  This time, it wasn't a coy "Sherry" song, but its message was quite deliberate.  Last time, I asked around, trying to narrow down my suspicions and was able to eliminate one of my primary suspects, who denied ever sending me any voice mails.  That left me with only one likely person; however, I'm still not positive.

To the "mystery" caller:
If it's who I think it is, I deleted your phone number and my computer crashed (yes, it happens even to the best of us!), so I even lost my backup "just in case" of your number.  I'm not sure what to make of your very direct "message".  Part of me wants to honor your request, but part of me wishes I didn't have to play these games anymore.  The first time, it was cute.  The second time, it was obviously not accidental.  The third time was clearly not coincidence anymore.  You obviously know how to reach me.  I would like to talk to you and see you again.  Beyond that, well, it depends on one thing.  Ok, maybe two.  For starters.